Grieving mom relates to son as a 'soul' by Kevin Simpson
The Denver Post, October 21, 2001
Teqoa, Israel
The childhood photos of Koby Mandell, once scattered throughout his family's
home, have been put away.
"I can't look at them," said Sherri Lederman Mandell, the 13-year-old
boy's mother, "because I want to live. When I look at his picture,
I see his body, and it reminds me he's not coming back. If I don't relate
to him as a body, I can relate to him as a soul."
Last May, Koby and a friend, 14-year-old Yosef Ish-Ran, skipped school
to hike in the wadi, a rocky gorge near this Jewish settlement about 30
minutes south of Jerusalem. Their bodies were found in a cave, stoned
to death, early the next day. The unsolved murders are blamed on Arab
terrorists.
"As far as I'm concerned," his mother said, "he was an
easy target and a Jew."
During shiva, the period of mourning, the family sat on pillows while
thousands of people - including busloads from Jerusalem - visited their
home. Among them, Rehavam Zeevi, the hard-line tourism minister who was
gunned down by Palestinians last week.
American-born Koby moved here with his family from Maryland when he was
in the fourth grade. Sherri figured he would adapt quickly, learn Hebrew,
become "more Israeli." But Koby remained pure American.
He loved Cal Ripken and Troy Aikman, preferred American sports over local
teams. He even played baseball - third base, because of his strong throwing
arm - with other transplanted Americans in the settlement.
He was excited about leaving eighth grade for high school.
The night before Koby was killed, Sherri, a writer, had planned to be
in Jerusalem in advance of a morning meeting. But for reasons she couldn't
explain, she remained at home.
"That was our last night," she said. "Koby came up to my
room and gave me a big hug and said, "Mom, I love you so much.' It
was kind of strange, because we'd already said good night."
In the morning, Yosef came by the house to pick up Koby. She thought they
were headed for the school bus, not to skip school and explore the vast
network of trails and caves in the wadi.
When Sherri returned that afternoon, she figured Koby was with a youth
group or at a demonstration in Jerusalem.Even as the night wore on and
search groups began combing the area, Sherri stayed home, convinced her
son would call.
"I thought he was OK," she said. "I was in total denial.
I knew something could have happened, but I didn't feel it. I thought
I'd just have to go outside and he'd be there, like I could will him to
come home."
The night passed with no word.
At dawn, a friend arrived, a look of horrible pain in her eyes. The boys
had been found. Koby's father, Rabbi Seth Mandell, identified the body.
"I knew he had been killed by terrorists," she said. "I
didn't want to know the rest. I couldn't handle the brutality. They were
little boys. Still babies. It was pure hate."
While she wants the killers punished, she concentrates on living life
well. Death is different, "almost like a friend," now that Koby
is gone.
"I'm angry, but that's not what gets me up in the morning,"
Sherri said. "My motivation now is, "What am I going to do in
his name?' The world is very different now. But it also gives you a tenderness
toward your kids, and life, that I didn't have as much before.
"If we live in anger, they've won."